Well it has been far to long since I have "blogged". Since my podcast is on a break, and my school work is done for month, it's time for me to complain about the world once again. What better way to start this rant but with my problems with Christmas.
Mariah Carey...I may have murdered that spelling. If you realized this, you are more than likely a faggot. Listen, I know she is a great pop-star and all, and she is of course going to cover Christmas songs. My problem is her newly created Christmas carol. No Mariah, no. You are NOT allowed to do such a thing to the art of Christmas tunes. How dare you curse the wonders and magic of the holiday by making a terrible, typical mainstream song about love...and just make it Christmas. You should be hung for this. Only Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby are allowed touch Christmas tunes (along with a few others of the classics).
Pink Fake Christmas Tree...as if fake Christmas trees didn't piss me off enough, some retarded company decided to make one that's bright pink. WHY!? What part of Christmas tells you to go out and purchase a neon pink tree. "oh, but it's so modern". Dear Lord Baby Jesus! Christmas isn't meant to be a freak show modern art gallery! It's about tradition, family, friends, Jesus, and joy....and a giant orgy if you are pagan....but still. ANYWAY! This whole idea of a pink Christmas tree....only 13 year old girls should ever be like "lyke OMG! Itz pynk?!?!?! OOOOOOOO get it get it get it!!!!!1111" and the fathers should smack her and say "really?" That's how that should happen and no other way.
Inflatable Santa, Snowman, Grinch, etc...How much cornier can you be? Do you REALLY think that looks nice? Do you REALLY think people are going to say "oohhhhh...they DEFINITELY didn't get that at WALMART"? You trailer trash pieces of crap. There is ZERO class in giant inflatable anything's! End of story. I really can't say much more about this other than someone should pop them.
and last but certainly not least...
A Miser Brother's Christmas...this is a new movie that some jerkwads decided would be a great idea. "oh, let's rip off the best claymation ever created in the entire world". No...not a good idea. Snow Miser and Heat Miser are some of the best characters ever thought up. They have an amazing role in The Year Without A Santa Claus. That is where their role ends. Not in this corny animated movie that stars them and some sort of child-friendly plot showing how working together can...(vomit). Those guys were some crazy creatures that wanted everything for themselves! They wanted to conquer land and cause severe temperatures in those locations. They tried to shoot down two elves on a baby reindeer!!! How can you beat that!? This piece of crap should be burned and never played again. And don't even get me started with them re-doing the best songs of all time.
Christmas is full of amazing things...but douchebags LOVE to try and douche it up. Don't be one of those people this holiday season. Thanks a lot =]
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
-Ryan Merwine
